The yin of my yang

I will soon have an apartment of my own. And, judging by the last two weeks of staying by myself, house-sitting, I'll be able to handle the 'solitude' just fine. So why am I having such mixed feelings about getting the apartment?

It's not that I'm worried about the apartment itself. It's in a nice, very quiet and residential neighborhood. The rack of awards that they had up in the office for best maintenance and customer service, from numerous local authorities means that I don't have to worry about getting good help. And the size and cost are great for someone living on their own. Admittedly, not as many conveniences as I'd like, but I'm not willing to make the drive to be able to afford an apartment with the works. In all, I'm satisfied with my choice for living space.

Not until I got back to the Haus of Phranc did I realize what was bugging me. Actually getting myself my own place, and taking care of things on my own is perhaps the next to last thing signifying the death of my marriage. The next nail in the coffin, so to speak. Yes, that makes me unhappy and uncomfortable. For all that I have come to mentally accept what's happened and what I'm doing, this makes it obvious that I haven't completely emotionally accepted what's going on.

Understanding that fact, no, it certainly doesn't make me any happier. But it does slightly take the edge off, and it lets me separate my feelings towards what I need, and what I want. Which maybe is all I can ask for, right now.